Ice Baby

Owww.. it has been soo long ago since i wrote here something.. The problems is that at first i was too depressed and then i became to busy with fitness, dance trainings  and of course with my forthcoming arrival to Netherlands. Yeah, i've got the official acceptance letter from the University of Amsterdam and even the Delta Scholarship: amount of money equal to the tutation fee for one year. So now i really have a big chance to move on my life studying in Netherlands. Of course that scares me a bit, because i feel big responsibility for everything that has been done for me by people who supported me and helped me to reach this aim - to go study abroad. And that are my parents, my university dutch teacher and my friends. I dont want to make them shame for me so i am going to do my best living and studying in Amsterdam...

Well.. I am back from my country house and i dont want ever go back there again though i will have to. At least to deliver my parents there, coz we have one auto for the whole family. And the problem is that i've lost my cross i was christened with at the country house. It happened so stupid - i was just laying on the grass with a friend of mine and she told me to take off the chain with my cross not to have white stripe on the neck. I did and she asked me to give it to her coz she wanted to bring it home. I did and she brought my chain with cross and her chain home, then we had fun enjoying the sun and then when we were going to the city to fitness i found out that there is no cross on my chain anymore... I was shocked. Yesteray and today we were looking through every cm of the grass and every cm of the floor in the house many times.. and found nothing. I am still shocked and incredibly sad. Not that i am too religious but that cross ment so much for me!!! I cant believe that i simply lost it like that! I dont feel myself good without it anymore! Shit, i cant do anything really! And I cant even speak to that girl anymore... So after i lost a cross i might have lost a friend as well.. Especially because her reaction was very simple: "Shit happens! My mother also lost the cross she was christened with!" And then she just stayed calm as nothing happened... So this year i lost my love, my mascot and maybe my friend.. What else do i have to loose to let the white stripe of my life begin?

 

Yours,

Ice

Its already monday and since friday i still cant believe it!!!! The Dutch IND service decided that my MVV visa to live and study in Netherlands can be issued!!!! That means that now I only have to wait untill the Dutch Consulate in St.-Petersburg gets the IND Service permission and then take some papers with me and go get my visa... I hope everything will work now!!!! Even though.. u know... there is one thing that makes me horribly afraid of going to Netherlands... Some people might guess what or better to say WHO it is... But its a topic for the next entry coz now i really must go out to fitness quickly and then back to the country house...  But i will be back here on thursday!!!!!

 

Gonna miss u all,

Hugs,

Ice (i melt here coz its +38 in St.-Petersburg...)

Heeeeeeeey!!!!

First time after a long break i can say i had a great night out yesterday! Before that time i was busy with my studies, with shitty part - time jobs and with lots of surrounding stuff like depression and melancholy...

But yesterday i managed to break that circle! So it was a great night out even though Brasil lost the WC quaterfinal.. So, anyway life goes on and as long as i know nothing about my future untill the end of july (coz only then i will know about my dutch visa), i'm gonna party. I think. I hope. And i cant stop...

 

Yours,

Ice

Now i really am graduated from the State University of St.-Petersburg. Today I've got my diploma and i really am glad about it. I am glad that i dont need to enter that damn Alma Mater anymore. Never ever...But this sheet of toilet paper will anyway remind me about all the shit happened withing the last 5 years i spent at that high school....

 

Yours, Ice. 

Yesterday it was my birthday. Well nothing fun to write about, becoz every year takes me far away from youth and happiness. Well.. i dont want to sound too depressive. Its just me. Anyway, it was quite a nice day, i've got a few nice presents and everything really was okay. You can see some yesterday's pics of me at the webspace. And yeah, one more thing that inspires me: i am still waiting for my MVV visa to Netherlands.. so if their immigration service lets me live and study in that country, i still might go there, i will just take some money in the bank..i hope! Actually i really hope for the best and the hope dies at last. And they say i will know about my visa in the end of July.. So i will keep my fingers crossed untill then...

 

Warmest hugs and greetings to everyone,

yours Ice Baby  

I cant really write a lot now. My life fucked up on me 5 minutes ago when my dad said he wont pay for my education at the University of Amsterdam and wont borrow me that money. He sais he doesnt have 5000 euro but its not true. Even if he didnt he would be able to borrow them from the bank. Coz i cant do it myself being just graduated student and having nothing that would give enough guarantee for the bank. So my life has crashed a few minutes ago. Coz now, having done so much things to enter the UVA, having learned Dutch so hard, having payed a lot for the application for the Dutch visa, i really have nothing more. No aims in this life and no idea what to do further. I even dont know what else i should write about it but people who know how important for me was that education ability probably can understand me. Anyway i am too sad and too frustrated to continue...

And great sorry for everyone who wrote me comments and i didnt answer yet.. I am always HAPPY to hear from you!!! Really.. just at the moment i cant write anything at all...

 

Heeeeeeyyyyyyyyy  everybody!

 

I am finally back to my webspace again!

 

I have no idea if someone will consider it to be good news, but that really is true. I am back and i am happy about  it.

 

Well i aint gonna tell a long depressive story about the last month of my life coz almost everything was really sad and boring. But now everything changed, though i dont really feel it yet.

 

The first thing i have done this month is my final paper work which i finished and got ''excellent'' for it. That means that now i am finished with my State University of St.-Petersburg, and now i offically may be called ''journalist''. Fun profession to be written in your diploma!

 

Another thing i am happy with are all my 3 Dutch exams i have done. I dont know the marks yet, i will know the results in july - august 2006 only, and even if i didnt pass them, i am happy that the main time of exams is now finally over! Thats great!!!

 

So now i keep on waiting and collecting all the papers to apply for the MVV visa for studies at the University of Amsterdam. And if i get this visa i think i will be the happiest girl in the world! Yeah really!  

 

Well i think its time to finish this "Public service announcement", and i will be back really soon. Maybe even tomorrow if i get the inspiration to write something! And of course everyone is welcome to write me back! 

 

SEE YA SOON!!!!

Hello, everybody!

 

I am here again to wish HaPpY EaStEr to everyone who has EaStEr this weekend!

 

I wish you LoVe, PeAcE and HaPpInEsS

 

May the Lord bless YOU today and always!

 

 

 

Hey...

It's very strange but last week one awful feeling follows me everywhere.. and thats LONELINESS... Of course its rather understandable according to the theorie that in the big cities people feel themselves more closed and more lonely than in smaller places.. And St-Petersburg with 5 million people is quite big. But from another point of view i really cant understand myself. Last weeks i am going out quite a lot. Almost every evening i go to the bar with my Dutch friends, i see my Russian friends quite often, it looks like i do a lot of things... But all these activities make me feel myself more and more lonely... I stucked on this feeling and cant do anything against it. Well.. some people say thats its the influence of spring, some people think that loneliness is well clear if u are 21 and have no boyfriend... But i dont think these reasons are true.. And while i'm thinking about it that awful feeling holds me so tight that i just dont see any ways to escape.. Ot maybe its just impossible to run away from yourself?